the TUDOR TUTOR
Your cheeky guide to the dynastyArchive for Anne Boleyn
Viva les Tudors!
I just love this fan-made video, combining an excellent song (Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida”) with well-edited scenes from “The Tudors.” The lyrics really nail the essence of our favorite dysfunctional family. Enjoy!
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo
With six wives to choose from, surely Henry VIII had a favorite, no? The demure and tactful Jane Seymour usually gets credit for being the favorite, but that sounds too easy to me. Sure, compared to his previous wife (Anne Boleyn, that cheeky and marvellous icon of girl power), Jane knew when to keep her trap shut and didn’t stir the pot. And her uterus nurtured the elusive XY chromosome that Henry was obsessed with.
And then she dropped dead, and really could do no wrong after that, could she? It’s called “bowing out at the top of your game,” and an unwittingly wise move on her part, as history paints her as the Golden Wife. She didn’t live long enough to have miscarriages or dreaded baby girls, or to enter middle age, or to be grossed out by his oozing leg sore or mid-life obesity.
Let’s take a look at Henry’s other girls. Catherine of Aragon was a thorn in his side toward the end of their marriage, for sure, and only gave him one daughter. But she was a dutiful and loving wife for nearly 20 years, not to mention a popular Spanish princess and a devout Catholic (he was too, for the most part). Wife #2, the sassy (to put it mildly) Anne Boleyn was such an effective flirt that the king was convinced she was flitting around with others, although it’s never been proven. She certainly tapped into his saucy side and I think he definitely admired her moxie and intelligence.
After the dearly-departed Jane, Anne of Cleves (we’re at number 4, now) was a bit of a dull dishrag, but the poor girl couldn’t speak a lick of English and communication is so important, isn’t it? Plus, there was her not-quite-supermodel appearance and the fact that she was surely repulsed by this jiggling mass of conceit and rage. Just assuming. After their divorce, Henry viewed Anne of Cleves as a sister, gave her a lovely settlement, and invited her to court quite a bit. The favorite, no, but not the outcast, either.
In sashays Wife #5, Katherine Howard. Katherine seemed to be low on brain cells but high on the vixen-factor. Henry appreciated the coquette angle, sure, but I really feel he wanted more than just glossy paintwork. And her cheating on him didn’t help matters any. Finally we have Wife #6, Catherine Parr, who was really just the king’s companion and caregiver during his last years.
Out of that cast of characters, do you think Henry VIII really had a favorite? Who do you think he held most near and dear? Or do you feel that his greatest love was actually the one he saw in the looking glass, the whole time?
Tudor Ghost-du-Jour: Anne Boleyn
In life she was sassy, smart, and bold – not much has changed! Anne Boleyn has proven to be as tenacious and sensational without a head as she was with one attached.
Her spirit has been seen wafting across the river’s bridge on the grounds of Hever Castle, her childhood home. On a more energetic note, she sometimes leads ghostly processions in and around the Tower of London, where she was executed. Who doesn’t love a parade? Perhaps not the Tower guard in 1864 who ran through her spirit with his bayonet and prompted received a shock so strong it temporarily knocked him out.
Bringing the drama, as usual, ghostly Anne appears on her death anniversary at Blickling Hall, in a coach pulled by headless horses steered by a headless horseman. The coach reportedly leaves her off at the front door of the building (chivalry is not dead, even when the horseman is), her dripping head tucked under her arm, and she then wanders the hallways all bloody night long. Get this girl some Ambien!
Anne Boleyn — Could you blame her?
History has painted Henry VIII’s second wife, Anne Boleyn, as a scheming, opportunistic kind of witch (to put it mildly). It doesn’t help that she was preceded by Wife #1, the insanely popular Catherine of Aragon, and was followed by seemingly-angelic Wife #3, Jane Seymour. The meat of the story tends to be that Anne batted her eyelashes at the married king, enticed him to leave his wife for a woman who could surely give him a son, and convinced him to leave his beloved Catholic church for a newfangled religion that would ensure he answered to no one but God.
Let’s back up for a minute. Anne wasn’t European royalty but she wasn’t Jane-Doe-off-the-street either. Her father, Thomas, was a soldier for the very first Tudor, Henry VII, and Henry VIII made him Ambassor to France. When Anne’s father moved her and her brother and sister back to England from France, the girls became helpers (“ladies in waiting”) to the queen, Catherine of Aragon.
At this point, Henry and Catherine had been married for sixteen years, and the king was getting pretty impatient with his wife for failing to give him a healthy son to succeed him. Mary Boleyn (Anne’s sister; “the other Boleyn girl”) was awfully pretty, and Henry couldn’t resist getting involved with her for a bit. Interestingly enough, Daddy Boleyn was then given a promotion in the king’s court, although Henry bored of Mary quickly and no longer paid her any attention.
Mary was a famous beauty, but Anne had the brains and gorgeous eyes to boot. The king was intrigued! Remember that at this time Henry VIII was not only tall, fit, handsome, athletic, and a talented musician, he was also, you know, the king. Power can be very attractive. Intelligence and batting eyelashes can be as well! Anne was a smart cookie, and although she flirted with His Majesty, she told him that she wouldn’t get involved with him while he was still married.
Is it any surprise that Anne and Henry got together? Is it any surprise that, after the king began to show an interest in Anne, Thomas Boleyn helped push the Pope toward a divorce for Henry and Catherine? And is it any surprise that Thomas Boleyn then got another promotion?
It’s who you know, isn’t it? Anne was able to marry the most powerful man in the land because of her father’s connections with the Tudor dynasty. Her father rose in the ranks because of her flirtation with, and then marriage to, Henry VIII. Was Anne just a saucy homewrecker? Or was she a political pawn for her dad’s ambition?
If she were, could you blame her?
