Tomorrow is a wild and crazy date in Tudor history — On 28 January 1457, Henry VII was born and on 28 January 1547, Henry VIII died. Two kings in a row, father and son, same date, birth for one, death for the other, two transposed numbers at the end. Wicked!

The popular rumour (and you know how I feel about those) is that Henry VIII’s last words were “Monks! Monks! Monks!” But in reality Henry was speechless at the end of his life, although he did give Archbishop Cranmer’s hand a little squeeze when the Archbishop asked the king for a sign that he trusted in the Lord.

The only people around him in his last days were the Archbishop and the men from his Privy Council and Privy Chamber. He’d called for his last wife, Catherine Parr, a few days earlier but that was her final goodbye.  The king was 55 years old at the time of his death.

I wanted to share with you the opening credits of the series finale of “The Tudors” for a few reasons. First, it is just beautifully done, as was the entire series. You can’t deny the aesthetics of that show, no matter if you think there were too many inaccuracies, too much nudity, not enough nudity! or whatever your reasons may be.  

Also, you’ve got to love the Curtain Call of the Dead at the very end. The series actually did this with every episode, the final flashes of the opening credits being those we’d lost up until that point in the story. For the finale, we start with an extended shot of Katherine Howard and her girls, marvelling out the window at a snowfall, and then flash by the rest of the dearly departed favourites: Thomas Cromwell, Catherine of Aragon, Thomas More, Anne Boleyn, and Cardinal Wolsey. (Jane Seymour is earlier in the credits.)

The most poignant touches, however, are the shots of  Charles Brandon (who was actually dead by then, but nevermind), Princess Mary, Edward Seymour, and Catherine Parr standing beside The Empty Throne.  If you watched the series, you know that the throne motif in the opening set the tone for Henry’s place in life for that season.

For Season One, he’s in control, young, hot, doing the flashing-eyes thing, flanked by admirers and accepting reassuring touches from his loyal queen, Catherine of Aragon. For Season Two, he’s all eyes-flashing again but taking The Touch from Anne Boleyn this time round. My personal favourite is for Season Three, where he does the standing-up “surprised to see you” bit that reminds me so much of Christopher Walken’s “The Continental” skit on Saturday Night Live. “Come! Sit and have some sham-PAHN-yah!”

This weekend, you may want to raise a glass of sham-PAHN-yah yourself, first for Henry VII who started this whole big shebang, and second for Henry VIII. He may have left England with a mess to clean up after his death, but his life, loves, and legacy were so complex as to inspire books, movies, songs, documentaries, blogs, Facebook pages, and  similar gates to immortality.

When compared to his drama-addled successors, Henry VII seems to be the Stable One in the Tudor family, doesn’t he?  The man who grabbed the crown from Richard III in a heated battle and began one of the most iconic dynasties in English royal history looks quite subdued in light of the way the rest of the House of Tudor history played out.

I wanted to share with you the description of Henry VII as a family man which Francis Bacon wrote in his biography The Historie of the Raine of King Henry the Seventh (1622):

“Towards his Queene hee was nothing Vxorious nor scarce Indulgent; but Companiable, and Respective, and without Jealousie. Towards his children hee was full of Paternall Affection, Carefull of their Education, aspiring to their High Advancement, regular to see that they should not want of any due Honour and Respect, but not greatly willing to cast any Popular Lustre upon them.”  

I find it so interesting to delve into the character and reign of this man, probably because he is [sadly] such an afterthought. It’s worth mentioning that there is a new book out devoted to Henry VII; check it out!

Henry Tudor rocks the crown as Henry VII after the Battle of Bosworth Field

What is it about 22 August?

On that date in 1485, the Tudor dynasty was born! The Battle of Bosworth Field took place and Henry Tudor claimed victory over Richard III, getting the dynasty off to a dramatic start and claiming the title of Henry VII.

Henry Tudor’s standard-bearer, Sir William Brandon, died right off the bat. That day, he left behind several little ones with his wife, Elizabeth.

One of these tots was a boy named Charles, whom you might recognize if I showed you this pic of this actor. Yes, Sir William’s little boy grew up to pal around with Henry VII’s little boy, eventually becoming the first Duke of Suffolk, marrying a number of times (including a marriage to Henry VIII’s sister Mary), and eventually dying on…

…the 22nd of August, in 1545. I can’t make this stuff up.

Remember Henry VII’s true schmoopie from the last blog post? That lovely Elizabeth of York died in 1503 after giving birth to the couple’s seventh child, and England had one sad king on their hands. Two years later, he may have thought it a good idea to get on Spain’s good side by marrying over that border.

Sensing that her daughter (and Henry VII’s widowed daughter-in-law) Catherine of Aragon might be in his line of vision, her mother Queen Isabella was all “Hey, look, over there, something shiny! It’s Joan, Queen of Naples!” The king was interested enough to send his ambassadors to get the goods on this girl.

The document detailing his desires was printed in 1761 (!) and was on display at the Vivat Rex! exhibit in Washington D.C. last fall. The king clearly wanted to know what he might be getting into. Aside from needing to know the height of her forehead and the possibility of hair on her upper lip, he had the ambassadors report on: 

• How was her complexion?
• Were her arms big or small, long or short?
• Was the palm of her hand thick or thin? 
• Were her hands fat or lean, long or short?
• Were her fingers long or short, small or great, broad or narrow?
• Was her neck long or short, small or great?
• Were her breasts and “pappes” big or small?

…you know, the usual concerns. The answers were promising:

• Her complexion was clean, fair, and sanguine
• Her arms were somewhat round and not very small, but “of good proportion to her personage and stature of height”
• Her hands were somewhat full, soft, fair, and clean-skinned
• Her fingers were fair and small
• Her neck was full and comely, not misshapen, not very short nor very long. However, her neck appeared shorter “because her breasts were full and somewhat big.”
• More on the breasts! They appeared to be somewhat great and full, as they were “highly trussed.”

In the end, it just didn’t work out, money and politics and all. No word on if Henry VII gave Joan the “It’s not thee, it’s me” reason.

Little Lambert was first passed off as Richard, Duke of York (one of the Princes in the Tower) and then as Edward, Earl of Warwick (who was, at the time, in a cell in the Tower). He was crowned as Edward VI in Dublin when he was just a lad of 10.

The Yorkists who were behind him took him along to the Battle of Stoke Field on 16 June 1487, to show the king who was really king. Only it didn’t turn out that way, and Lambert’s commander-friends perished in battle or were captured.

Not only did wise Henry VII spare the young Lambert’s life, recognizing that the poor kid was just a pawn in an adult’s game, he gave him a  job in the palace kitchens! He became responsible for menial jobs such as turning the spit while the goose cooked, cleaning up, that kind of thing. He was later promoted to the eviable post of royal falconer. I am reminded of the Abominable Snow Monster on that Rudolph special about misfit toys, who starts off all threatening and then they give him the job of putting the star on the Christmas tree, because he’s so darn tall.  Bingo! No more threat and everyone’s happy.

They say that Lambert died of natural causes around 1525 — a much different ending than it could have been, as someone on the wrong end of a Tudor plot.

• Edmund Tudor (dad to Henry VII) 
• Henry VII (dad to Henry VIII, Arthur Prince of Wales, Margaret Queen of Scots,  and Mary Queen of France)
• Henry VIII (dad to lowly girls Mary I and Elizabeth I, and exalted boy Edward VI, not to mention the illegitimate Henry Fitroy)
• God the Father  (heavenly dad to all those Catholics and Protestants who were killing each other during this time period)
• James V of Scotland (dad to Mary Queen of Scots)
• Henry Grey  (dad to Lady Jane Grey)

While our modern dads are happy to spend time with their children and the rest of their families today, that tie or cologne or barbeque equipment is certainly appreciated. Back in the day, however, simply becoming a father (especially to a son for certain men, ahem!) and carrying on that bloodline was a gift in itself. Considering the grim truth about personal hygenie in the 16th century, it’s a shame that cologne wasn’t an option after all!

• On this date in 1457, Henry VII was born
• On this date in 1547, Henry VIII breathed his last

Tidy how that works out, isn’t it, with the same date, and the transposed digits in the middle? 

When the founder of the Tudor legacy was born, his father had already been dead for a few months, and his mother was barely old enough to stay up late. She was only 13, but that wasn’t unusual for that time, of course. Unlike his much-married son, he wasn’t born into royalty right away, he had to go out and grab his reign by the reins.

When Henry Junior made his mark on this date, he was an even worse mess than you’d imagine. He was gray-haired,  morbidly obese, and covered in nasty boils. (Good thing he wasn’t in the market for a new wife at the time!)  He was often carried from place to place in velvet-covered chairs because his gout made it hard for him to walk.

His last words were “Monks! Monks! Monks!” so it seems that religion, a hot topic during his time as king, was on his mind to the very end. He was only 55; the day would have been his father’s 90th birthday.

UPDATE: Nearly four months later, the real location has been revealed.