the TUDOR TUTOR
Your cheeky guide to the dynastyArchive for Henry VIII
What’s Inside That Body? 5,000 Calories a Day + A Fatty Liver, to Start…
While flipping through the channels today, I was crushed to find I’d just missed a special on the History Channel called “Inside the Body of Henry VIII.” This special first aired last spring but I hadn’t heard of it until now.
My spirits lifted when I found clips from the special on YouTube, about his illnesses, his diet, his sporting injuries, and the Syphillis Question. I hope you enjoy them!
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Wedding Band
Image by cliff1066™ via Flickr
The Six Ladies of Henry VIII were part of a fraternity that fascinates history buffs as well as those who just plain love a good, juicy soap opera. While it may have seemed the Massive Monarch blew through the line quickly, the amount of time he was married to each may surprise you. Here’s how long each gal wore that traveling wedding band:
1. Catherine of Aragon About 24 years, not together for the last few (June 1509 – May 1533)
2. Anne Boleyn 3 1/2 years(January 1533 – May 1536)
3. Jane Seymour 1 1/2 years (May 1536 – October 1537)
4. Anne of Cleves A measley six months (January 1540 – June 1540)
5. Katherine Howard 1 1/2 years (July 1540 – February 1542)
6. Catherine Parr 3 1/2 years (July 1543 – January 1547)
♥ A Very Tudor Valentine’s Day ♥
Out of Henry VIII’s six wives, who do you think was his true love? Get a quick rundown of all the Real Housewives of Tudor Court here, and cast your vote below!
Maybe He Had Big Feet, Too?
A bit of fun: This Holbein portrait of Henry VIII suggested that Henry was a virile guy, despite his lack of sons. Can you find the hint in the portrait before scrolling down?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yes, it’s that obnoxious codpiece peeking out to say “I’m the king of England, damn it, and I’m as fertile as the next guy!” At the end of the day, Henry’s genes never made it past 1603. A lot of good all that artistic boasting did.
Double Whammy Tudor Date!
Welcome to the 28th of January, a significant date in Tudor history for two reasons:
- On this date in 1457, Henry VII was born
- On this date in 1547, Henry VIII breathed his last
Tidy how that works out, isn’t it, with the same date, and the transposed digits in the middle?
When the founder of the Tudor legacy was born, his father had already been dead for a few months, and his mother was barely old enough to stay up late. She was only 13, but that wasn’t unusual for that time, of course. Unlike his much-married son, he wasn’t born into royalty right away, he had to go out and grab his reign by the reins.
When Henry Junior made his mark on this date, he was an even worse mess than you’d imagine. He was gray-haired, morbidly obese, and covered in nasty boils. (Good thing he wasn’t in the market for a new wife at the time!) He was often carried from place to place in velvet-covered chairs because his gout made it hard for him to walk.
His last words were “Monks! Monks! Monks!” so it seems that religion, a hot topic during his time as king, was on his mind to the very end. He was only 55; the day would have been his father’s 90th birthday.
Viva les Tudors!
I just love this fan-made video, combining an excellent song (Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida”) with well-edited scenes from “The Tudors.” The lyrics really nail the essence of our favorite dysfunctional family. Enjoy!
Gives New Meaning to “Henry VIII’s Pompous Mug”
How great is this mug?? When you pour a hot beverage into it, the wives disappear but Henry stays!
Target is selling it, as is Amazon and a few other online places. I just could not resist posting this, as you may want to gift a fellow Tudor fanatic this Christmas or ask for one for yourself. Or you may just want to look at it here and crack up, which is what I’m doing!
(Note: If you do snag one of these babies, do not put it in the dishwasher! Apparently they are not dishwasher-safe, according to one source of mine.)
Serial Dater of the 16th Century Meets the Internet Age
Who knew that Henry VIII was as addicted to the Internet as the rest of us? BBC and Brian Blessed bring us some fantastic new sketches about the king involved in such things as Internet dating and online shopping. Bloody brilliant; take a look!
He Said, She Said
Mention Henry VIII and most people think either (1) robust ginger guy, gnawing on a turkey leg, or (2) ABC’s “The Bachelor” 500 years ago. His appetite for food, drink, and women is well-known, but the fact that he was married to his first wife for 20 years is not. What went wrong? When and how did he go from settled-down to serial groom?
We have to remember that, while Catherine of Aragon was married to the king for two decades, this was actually her second marriage. Before she married Henry, she was married to his brother, Arthur. This is starting to sound creepy, isn’t it?
The “ick” factor isn’t as bad as it may seem. Arthur, Henry’s older brother, was the heir to the throne and a newlywed at just age 15. And then, dead – possibly of a sweating sickness. His Spanish princess, Catherine, was also sick but recovered to find herself a 16-year-old widow in a country far from home.
Arthur’s dad, Henry VII, wasn’t that eager to ship his daughter-in-law back to Spain since her father (Ferdinand, the king of Aragon) had handed over quite a wad of cash as part of her dowry. Instead, Henry Senior pocketed the money and simply matched her up with his next available son, the tall and handsome Henry Junior.
This next part is important: She was able to marry Henry only because she swore to the pope that her marriage to The Other Tudor Boy was never consummated. This, for the church, meant that they weren’t actually “married” to begin with and that she was free to marry Henry without being seen as an adultress or trollop of some sort.
Fast-forward a few decades into the marriage and ginger-haired Mr. Turkey Leg still had no boys to carry on the family business, so he figured he’d just divorce Catherine and remarry. A devout Catholic, he looked to the Bible to guide his decision and found his “ah-ha!” moment in Leviticus 20:21.
This passage states that a man who marries his brother’s wife will be childless (and for Henry VIII, “childless” and “no sons” were practically synonymous). Therefore, Henry believed that God was punishing him for having married his brother’s wife. Even Arthur’s servants had claimed that, the morning after his wedding, he asked for wine, stating that (TMI alert!) he had “been in Spain, and it was thirsty work.”
However, Catherine continued to deny that they ever had relations, even though onlookers claimed they were a fun and loving young couple for the short time they were married. Catherine was very popular, and her reputation is still very good to this day. Did she lie? Why would she? But at the same time, why wouldn’t a young couple who seemed to be happy and in love not consummate their marriage?
Do we believe what he said? Or what she said?
David Starkey on “Why Henry VIII is Still So Bloomin’ Popular”
Well, that’s not the actual title of his talk, but you get the idea. It’s 46 minutes long, so get comfortable!
(Who is David Starkey? Oh, you’ve seen him: He’s that British historian with white hair, glasses, permanently knitted eyebrows, and sometimes a cheeky hint of a grin. He’s just brilliant and has hosted loads of TV programs on the history of the British monarchy, especially the Tudor period.)
